Illinois Licenses: An Itinerary

1. Take the Brown Line two stops to Washington/Wells and walk into the deep, dark, hallowed halls of the County Clerk Office.

2. Wait in line, well before the 8 a.m. opening, and realize that you have all necessary documents EXCEPT existing Florida license. Restrain yourself from inputting fist to face of any kind. (After all, you may want two licenses for your terrorist extracurricular activities.)

3. Take the Brown Line home, obtain Florida license.

4. Take the Brown Line two stops to Washington/Wells and walk into the deep, dark, hallowed halls of the County Clerk Office.

5. Fight back tears when told that, while it doesn’t list it on the website, a marriage license is required with a birth certificate. 

6. Show credit report as proof of both maiden and married name + social security number. Show social security card. Show extreme annoyance and frustration. Take two steps to the LEFT and wait for manager.

7. Let a single tear slide down your cheek when approaching manager - white male in his early-mid 50s. Suppress joy when you realize, immediately, that he wants nothing more than to help you stop crying.

8. Explain situation, while maybe allowing one or two more tears to escape. Tell him about your April 30th wedding. Tell him you’re from Indiana. Get excited when he says his daughter graduated from Indiana University. Talk some more. Grovel for his help.

9. Take successfully completed application to a new line and obtain written test. Take written test in 2 minutes and 30 seconds or less.

10. Watch as Hispanic male, in his late 40s, scribbles all over grades test, winks at you and says “You cut it close.”

11. Wait for license photo to be taken, give email address to first helpful clerk (for daughter, eventual alumni participation and likely new stalker), smile pretty, wait another minute and destination will be in your effing hand. BOO YA.

END: