Things That Stop Being Cute When You’re 25 and Older
Alternately Titled: Things That Were Never Cute, But Are Even Worse When You’re a Fucking Grown-Up
1. Being late.
I get it. You live by your own, super important schedule, but don’t disrespect my life and valuable time just because you’re lazy. It’s not cute, it’s insanely selfish and impolite.
2. Acronyms. FTLOG, UYW, YM.*
For the love of God, use your words, you morons. The corporate world has enough of that vague BS going on, if you’d really like to “fuck your life,” have the balls to say it outright. It’s not cute, it implies you probably also say “epic fail” and, for that, we loathe you.
3. Actively texting, Facebooking, whatevering on your phone while you’re “having” an in-person “conversation” with someone else.
The sarcastic quotation marks mean that we all know you’re not listening to us. Just…duh. It’s not cute, plus we also all know you’re not that popular.
4. Being cheap.
Always pay your own way, be generous to others less fortunate, don’t do things if you can’t afford them - and don’t make others feel guilty if they can. Chances are they work harder than you. And coupons are great but don’t be weird about it. It’s not cute, it’s just pathetic.
5. Asking dumb questions.
You know what the biggest lie we tell kids is? That there are no dumb questions. THERE ARE. And the kids that ask them grow up to be the people who don’t know Google can tell you everything and that I am not responsible for solving your life/logistical problems for helpless you. I will but it’s not doing you any favors. It’s not cute, it’s infuriating.
6. Posting pictures of yourself taken by yourself.
Even worse? Pretending like you don’t know it’s being taken. It’s not cute, it’s embarrassing for all of us.
7. Alcohol as an excuse and/or talking point.
Obviously I love booze but here’s the thing, if you ever try to disclaim something by saying “I was really drunk” and you are over 25, you’re done. If you start a story with “I was so shitfaced this is how I embarrassed everyone this weekend…” and you are over 25, you’re done. It’s not cute, it’s messy, dangerous and trite.
8. Gossiping.
Venting is one thing, vindictive is another. It’s not cute, it will ruin all of your friendships.
9. Overbooking yourself on purpose.
Don’t be the flaky friend, guys. You know who you are. You say “Yeah, let’s do this on this date at this time…” and then the day-of you text because something (probably better) has come up. Plans change, of course, just be polite about it, not chronic. It’s not cute, it’s untrustworthy.
10. Lamenting your love life.
Please don’t hate me for this one. I know that sometimes it sucks to be single and that dating is incredibly hard, I don’t discount that, but you will never get anywhere if you’re not positively proactive about it. Be honest, open, confident and a bit adventurous and you will find love. Be bitter, disappointed and enslaved and you will find yourself alone. It’s not cute, it’s inhibiting your happiness.
