Random Thought Thursday

1. Of all the options for alarms on the iPhone, the crickets are the POOREST CHOICE. They’re infuriating. And if you use them for too long and find yourself at your parents’ remotely located lake house, on a cool, cool summer night, sleeping with the windows open, you will think it’s time to wake up for work no fewer than 10 times.

2. Sometimes I’ll remember something that an adult told me as a child that I realize now is just a bold-faced lie. Maybe they were stupid or maybe they thought it was true, but it’s kind of funny now. I hope I respect kids enough to always tell them the truth. Save for Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy, of course. I’m not a monster.

3. t’s not fair that men can send women flowers. We’ve got nothing equal to that. I’d like to offer a spin on the astoundingly popular Edible Arrangements. Instead of phallic looking, chocolate covered, subpar produce, I’m proud to introduce Imbibable Arrangements! I’ll arrange different bottles of beer and booze and maybe use pictures of hot chicks or fast food gift cards as the blooms. I will retire early and rich.

4. Joke, courtesy of my best friend and co-worker, Jason:

Q: How does a clown measure his hard drive?

A: GIGGLEBYTES!

5. Does it bother anyone else when people turn their opinions into facts?

Me: So, how did you like ‘Midnight in Paris’?

Idiot: It was garbage. Just terrible. The worst movie ever.

Me (Internally): Oh, wow! I didn’t realize you’d spent years studying production, video editing, costuming and make-up! And how silly of me to forget that your writing and directing skills put Woody Allen’s to shame. My apologies that Owen Wilson and Rachel freaking McAdams weren’t as authentic as you would have liked. Psh. My bad!